Remember, there is a big distinction between manipulation and deception!

Whenever I hear someone say, "They tried to manipulate me," I often think to myself, "Well, of course, they did. Everyone tries to manipulate people and circumstances all day long. That is the nature of life and business."

When I first began to understand the actual meaning of manipulation a few years ago, it really wreaked havoc on one of my category distinctions. I had always thought about manipulation as being a bad thing. I simply did not understand the real definition of manipulation. The American College dictionary defines manipulation: 1) to handle, manage, or use especially with skill, in some process of treatment of performance; 2) to manage or influence by artful skill.

I began to understand the truth about manipulation. It turns out that it was actually a good thing! I had always thought of it as a bad thing. The reason I thought of it as a bad thing is because I had manipulation mixed up with deception. Let's look at manipulation in a positive light.

When a mother prepares a delicious dinner, she is hoping her family will enjoy it. She is trying to manipulate them to eat a healthy meal. When you walk into a clothing store, all of those clothes look new and fresh and have been put on display just to manipulate you into buy some of them. When a husband brings flowers home to his wife, hopefully, he is trying to manipulate her into thinking that he cares about her and loves her. When a chiropractor adjusts your spine he is trying to manipulate things back into place. And, all of these are good things!

If you stop and think about it, everything that we do all day long is to try to get another person to do certain things or make circumstances turn out the way we would like. As long as those situations are good things, manipulation is a good thing as well. However, everything turns sour when we become deceptive or deceitful. When we try to trick someone into doing something for our own good, instead of for their good, then deception is occurring.

Maybe a synonym or more accurate word for manipulation might be influence. If we are trying to help or manipulate someone for their own good, to help them have a better life, a better attitude, or a better relationship, then the manipulation or influence is positive. You see, it really comes down to being educated and understanding the difference in terms. The reason I think this is so important is that it has helped me to stop and ask myself one important question: "Since I am trying to manipulate (influence) everyone I deal with all day long, what is my motivation? Am I doing things in an honest fashion, which is healthy and to their benefit, or am I doing things in a deceitful way, which is to their detriment and harm?"

I would strongly suggest that you take a few minutes to analyze the next move you make in life toward another person. Take a step back and look to see if you are trying to do something to them in order to help them and make their life better. If you are, then you are involved in good manipulation. You are being a positive influence. If you are doing it to trick them, to harm them or to get something out of them, which will be to your advantage and their detriment, then I would say that what you are doing is deceitful and wrong. You are being a bad influence.

Again, this is just a "check-up" to help each of us look at our actions to see if we are in fact a good manipulator or a bad deceiver. I know the kind of people that I associate with, and I believe you are in the category of wanting to help others. You are a good manipulator! That is probably how you got on this list to receive the Tip each week in the first place. So, again, take a look at your actions and see what your motive is behind what you are doing. You can be a good manipulator and help a lot of people this week!

This information is provided in congruence with Personality Insights USA.